++ Born A G A I N

そしてこれにつづく...

~~~

I haven't posted anything in a long time, thinking of starting again. Maybe because I'm seeking a reprieve for a wandering mind filled with useless thoughts. Haha, that means that most of the posts in this blog will be quite negative(?).

~~~

Why is it that I always want to search for something to appease my thoughts when I truly know that the only solution is already within myself. Although, what if I actually feel like I don't know what I'm looking for? Is it a feeling of accomplishment I seek? Or is it something else?

If it's accomplishments, I can sit here and list out a shit-load of stuff that I've accomplished and quite proud of. But why is it I always feel that there's something missing?

Everytime I ask myself that question, I'm compelled to delve deeper into myself. And the deeper you go, the darker it gets. Like the depths of a cave. It feels dark and ominous. Easily, you can turn around and escape the cave, forget it where ignorance is bliss. Or you can continue down into the cave, hoping that there is a light at the end, or else be doomed to the darkness for the rest of your life.

Have you ever asked yourself "Why?".
It's the basis to my life.

~~~

...この醜い脳裏

++ The World Is F I L L E D . . .

如何してこの世界、

僕の醜く生活はつづける

Why do we ask questions?
To learn, it is human nature.
Why do we pursue knowledge so eagerly?
To evolve and grow, it is human nature.

For what purpose?

Civilizations were able to exist in the past, why do we find it a necessesity to continually advance.
Is it not that in creation, we cause destruction?
This planet, this beautiful natural phenomenon we call earth, will be destroyed.
Ridden with human inventions.
Destroyed by human intervention.

We continue to evolve so that we continue to live.
So that we continue to exist,
at the expense of this planet.

But once again it is asked, for what purpose?

Are we so egotistical as a species that we do everything we can to continue to live
and then neglect the damage we do to other species, or even the planet?
But isn't it only natural for us to want to continue living?

That would mean that it is our existence that is destroying this world.
We continue to live, by which we continue to destroy.
So then, how is it possible to stop this from happening?
Is there a reason to exist?
An existence of destruction?

Is it an absolute necessity for our existance?
No.
Then, why do we exist?





Meaningless thoughts.

"

For all the acclaimed values of intellectual openness, was it really worth it? Was the gain of sophistication worth the loss of what had formerly given structure and meaning to one's life? After all, anything could be questioned. Once set in motion, the process of questioning could come to but one end, the erosion of conviction and certitude and collapse into despair.

"
Donald Crosby

Nihilism.
And I say to myself,
Life, the raison d'être.
(:

優しいだけの言葉なら今の僕は癒せない、

果てしなく続く戦いに此の身を全て捧げるだけ。

++ Tie My H A N D S

Have you had that feeling?

I have.

I hate it.

How could this time be any different?

It can't, won't...

...and I guess it hasn't.

Maybe in my dreams?

But even this dream of lies...

...feels more real than reality itself.

++ Dreamworld

"

I know what we have is dead and gone.
Too many times I made you cry.
And I don't mean to interupt your life.
I just wonder do I cross your mind?

I just wonder,
Do you ever,
Think of me,
Anymore, do you?

"

~~~

"

Life is long, there will be pain but life goes on
With everyday a brand new song
But if you rather stay at home
Let me do you a favour

I'll ask the sun to shine away from you today so you can cry
If that's what you want, alright.

"

~~~

"

I know you are nervous
But take it from me
'Cause you deserve so much more than you receive
Listen to your heart and let it show
Don't hold on to your pain
Just let it go, let it go

Don't have to stay with someone that makes you cry
You'll end up killing all the love you have inside
Can't hope to see the sun
If you don't open your eyes
Girl, don't let real love pass you by

"

~~~

"

How do I say, "Hello,
I just want to talk to you"?
How do I say, "You're beautiful
and I can't take my eyes off you"?
I don't wanna say the wrong thing
I wanna use the right words to impress you
Mujer Bonita, how do I say?
How do I say?

"

~~~

"

Why do people smile when no one's smiling?
It's cos' they're thinking of someone they're loving
Keep on believing we are meant to me and
Nothing's stopping you and me from going to heaven

Sweetest Love

"

~~~

"

Words would fly right from out of my mouth,
out of my mind into your heart, into your life
And everything would sound just right,
and no one would stop me from drinking my wine

That's my dreamworld,
that's my dreamworld, it's more than a dream
Dreamworld,
that's my dreamworld,
and I wanna live in my dream

"

++ Back to What You K N O W

Just a little update

Not much really happened

But let's see where this gets us

~~~

So after this whole convention and artist alley thing happened, I've pretty much been drawing everyday. I want to get back to how I used to draw, not necessarily the technique but the familiarity i had. I used to be able to pick up a piece of paper and sketch happily what I had in my head, but now its a bit harder than that. I'm getting a bit rusty, I hope. I mean, I technically haven't been drawing for a half a year and a bit on paper, so of course I'd expect something like this. Too much digital i think.

Anyway, not much else worth noting happened, except working a crap-load. Ugh, it's getting a bit much lately, but I'll cope with it.

Hmm, let's end with a little "25 random facts about me" thing a friend gave to me:

1. Most important thing in my world is my family. Friends are family too!

2. Music and drawing are my life, dancing is my wife.

3. My favourite colour is red.

4. My goal is to own a multi-million dollar earning company.

5. There's only four people I'd turn gay for in this world; Usher, T.I., Robin Thicke and Me! (No I'm not gay you ASS)

6. I'm a deep thinker. I can spend days thinking on the most random of things; from what I want to eat tomorrow, to how life began.

7. My mind is creative, it's just that my hands don't listen.

8. I learn new things everyday. Even the smallest of things can give the biggest of lessons.

9. Still misses Japan.

10. Sometimes I think I'm too smart for my own good.

11. I'm only doing this cos I'm THAT bored.

12. I wait all day, then I wait all night.

13. I'm soft and smushy on the outside, but on the inside I'm a mother fucking killer.

14. I keep a lot of things to myself, A LOT.

15. I never show how pissed I really am. I always stay happy, even on the shittest of days.

16. I've always craved to get into a fight. I sometimes feel like I just want to fuck someone up.

17. You don't want to see me when I'm angry.

18. If I ever get angry with you, you really must've done some fucked up shit to get me that pissed.

19. In my whole highschool life, I've only ever been truly pissed at someone once. Every other day I spend smiling.

20. I forgive people easily. The person I was pissed at that one time during highschool, I forgave the next day, we good buddies still =]

21. When it comes to friends and family, I always remember things to the littelest thing. When it comes to school, I forget the minute I walk out the class.

22. I used to have a lot of dreams when I was younger. Nowadays I hardly ever get one.

23. I'm an aspiration type of guy. I always make goals and do my best to obtain it.

24. I love cats! But, I'm also allergic to them... T__t

25. I'm glad that this things over and done with =D


OKAY ANYWAY, I'm now honestly thinking I should delete this later. HAHAHA

~~~

Haha, that wasted too much of my time

I could've done something more useful to me

Well, I'ma go shower now anyway

- OverDose

++ Long Live The G A M E

Today was fun

So much to say

But I'll keep this one short...ish

~~~

As I mentioned yesterday, I went to the con today! Hahaha, wasn't expecting much to come from today, but in the end I really enjoyed myself. I'm not the type to be really into the stuff that happens at a con, like the cosplays/screenings/sales/competitions, but the thing that really caught my eye was watching as artists drew their customers.

I spent a majority of my time there talking to the artists that were selling their stuff there. I really feel inspired to look at the works of these people. I really admire how they can do something like that. How they draw these pictures and get them professionally printed to sell at the con. It may not be career thing, but I really enjoy looking at those that take it as a hobby and genuinely love drawing.

I really wish to be in that position one day.

Two artists that really caught my eye was a 24 year old guy and a 16 year old girl. I talked to them two the most, and learnt a lot of things from the. The guy was doing portrait drawings for his customers whilst the girl was selling postcards, prints, stickers and other things like that. I really like the drawing style the guy had. It's something similar to how I want to be able to draw, so I'm currently keeping a close eye on his progress. The girl is a real inspiration. She's so young and she is able to manage her own stall. Also, I actually really liked her drawings, ended buying quite a bit from her, hahahha. I also managed to grab both their emails, so I'm happy about that.

Okay, so now that you know I spent most of my time at the artists section, let's move onto what I bought there.



First, I bought quite a few things done by the local artists here. They really inspire me, so why not? I bought 9 postcards, 2 posters, 1 original drawing and a local artbook. I am really proud of buying the GunGrave Artbook! I've been a fan of Yasuhiro Nightow for a long time! I love his Trigun and GunGrave series. He served as one of the inspirations during the time i was still learning to grasp my drawing abilities. Hmm, oh and I also bought a DVD called Takeshis', a movie made by Takeshi Kitano about himself. I am a huge fans of his movies and I own a boxset of all the movies he's directed up until Zatoichi, his 2003 feature film which won numerous awards internationally. Takeshi's came out in 2005, so I haven't got it yet. I'm really looking forward to watching it. Oh, also, I really loved his "Dolls" movie. If you haven't heard of it yet, I suggest to look it up. It's a really touching story(ies).

Okayy, I guess that's enough or today.

~~~

Hmm, was that short?

Maybe not short enough??

Pfft, yeah I tried my hardest, so it better be short!
- OverDose

++ Whatever You L I K E

Hopefully this will be a short one

If not, then I guess I still got a long way to go

But I'll get there... WITH MY NEW LAPTOP!

~~~

Yeah that's right, I got a new laptop! Yay, hahaha. I bought it yesterday. I got it using the scholarship money I'll be getting from the university I'm going to. But since I don't have that money just yet, my bro has gone and paid for it initially. I'll pay him back as soon as I get the money in the bank.



Oh yeah baby! The Lenovo SL500. A nice little business/multimedia notebook thats just good enough for me.

I don't play any games on my computer and only really use it for my designs and artworks, so I'm really happy with what I have!

Haha, it feels good to be typing away from the couch on a little make-shift table infront of the television. So comfortable, compared to the rock-hard, old-ass chair I used to sit at on my computer table. The piece of shit computer still sits on the same table at the moment, I don't think I'll be doing anything to it at the moment. I'll just keep it there and use it whenever I'm not using the laptop. But I don't know when that'll be, I'll be on the laptop most of the time now.

Ahhh, today I just stayed at home, a comfort I'm lacking a lot lately. Just to sit back and chill with a bit of music while surfing the net or whatever. I was just lying down on the couch with the air-con blasting away from above on full blast. Oh it felt so good.

Oh, and tomorrow, I'll be going to the local anime convension for the year with my cousins and a couple friends. I'm gonna be buying quite a few things, mainly artbooks/manga or anything art-related since thats what I'm mostly into. I can't wait to see what stuff is going to be there. Maybe I'll get some photos?

Well until then, see ya.

~~~

Lessee, my budget for tomorrow

I think it'll be around the $200 mark

Maybe that'll be too much? Hahah. No, it IS too much hahaha

- OverDose

++ Let's Stay T O G E T H E R

Wow, so a month has gone by

Haha, I try and try to update

But I always fail, hahaha

~~~

I think the reason why I don't get to updating my blog as often as I'd like is because I tend to blog on a bit tooo much, and it starts getting a little laborious to type it out. I guess I'll start practicing to type a little shorter, maybe on the more interesting things rather than anything I can think of. Hahaha.

Okayyy, well, a little catching up.

It's been an alright month. January, the first month of the new year. It wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped but it was fun. Well some things that happened this month (from the top of my head):

Paintballing
Work
Birthdays
Shopping
Work
Got accepted into uni!! WOO
and work

Oh? I already mentioned work? Well, maybe that because IT'S MAINLY ALL I'VE BEEN DOING THESE HOLIDAYSS.

Omgsh, how lame hahaha.

Rolling in the cash, but to be honest, I'm starting to miss having a free weekday where I can just do whatever I want. It's starting to become the weekends that I'm looking forward to. You know? One of them monotonous, boring, every-day routine type of lives.

Well, with uni starting in the coming month, maybe things will start changing?

Hahah, I hope so.

Okay well, on to some news I'd like to talk about! =DD

YAYYY

Soooo, I'm doing a new drawing, something that I'm liking how it turning outt. It started out as a sketch I did just for fun a month or so ago and I liked it enough that recently I decided to pick it up again and start colouring.

I could go through the whole process, but I don't think I'll get too into it. Anyway this is it:




It's so fun to see how far I've come since I started drawing about two/three years ago. I remember struggling to draw pictures the way I wanted, there'd always be something making it look really bad in my opinion. The face, the arms, the legs, the hips, the hair, there'd always be something that would really bug me. But I can now start saying that I'm glad with the progress I've made and I hope I can continue like this and maybe I can really start doing things I'd be really happy with within the next few years.

Okay, I guess that's enough for today.

Byee~

~~~

I got this new kick-ass addon

For Firefox that makes it easier for me to update my blog

Hopefully it'll encourage me to start updating more regularly =DD

- OverDose